You feel something is wrong,
like a muscle that aches always.
The sandy feeling in your eyes
when you haven't slept-
your mind.
Something is wrong in the world.
A siren.
A siren-
on the television someone is dying.
It feels like it might be you.
There is no where to go, knowing what you know.
No one to hold responsible.
Even the men in suits seem too limp,
too fault-lined in the face
to be the cause of this.
The word "freedom" rolls around your mind,
a ball-bearing.
You could peel your own skin off, you want it
so bad.
Look around the room: a table, a rug, four walls, a ceiling.
Light.
Food in the fridge.
A couch.
A stereo.
You wonder what you would be free
to do.
Is this oppression?
You are not in physical pain.
You are not suffering.
Someone is, always: it is not you.
Is it?
You're not really sure anymore.
Surely there are degrees
of suffering, surely there are priorities,
levels,
of freedom.
For example: you can choose what you eat,
what you wear
what time you wake.
Choose, that is, among options.
How many options do you need?
[an expanse. the Pacific, in your closet.
a feeling that it will never end, yet you can still
control it.]
That is something, anyway.
A remote [feeling of] control
in all this
something.
Not chaos.
[in a land overseas your countrymen
are being tortured. someone is trying to kill them.
Insert nationality here.]
You wish you could: a)do b)feel c)have d)change
something.
All of the above, one at a time.
This [man being tortured, humiliated,
child with his arms burnt off,
city, building crumbled,
a good man, a caring woman,
innocent (of brutality) dead.
Incinerated] is not what you imagined
as a child. (It was a gun, in your hand, as a child,
pointing an index finger at a friend.
KAPOW!
He falls over. He rises. You fall over. You rise.)
I won't
a)buy the ________ brand
b)drive a _________
c)support the _________
d)believe what ___________ says
e)listen to ___________
And so things will
a) change
b)stay the same.
I just want to f/h/u/e/c/l/k/p people.
Posted by ana at September 21, 2004 09:05 PM