Heaven - Jesus H. Christ, reportedly drunk on water turned wine, announced his support for the presidential election. "He's the only one that seems to be listening to what I've got to say," said Christ early Tuesday morning.
"I've spoken with Ashcroft, and I've been in a losing battling for Rumsfeld's soul, but this young man, he just listens and follows what I say, and you gotta love that!"
When asked about possible democratic candidates, Jesus scoffed, "Those goofballs? I don't need any of those dimwits screwing up my word. Pro-choice, keeping the 10 commandments out of the schools, gay marriage, thanks but no thanks!!"
Jesus spoke with NBC's Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show. He said he will donate 15 billion dollars through small $2,000 donations in the name of those in heaven. "You gotta love America™" read the T-shirt Christ wore on the show.
Posted by craig at February 10, 2004 04:10 PMHeeeee-yo-leeee sheee-ot. Even if this were "meant" to be funny, I sure as fuck am not laffin. Too close to what so many assholes must believe.
You cannot have two masters. Love God and despise Jarge.
Posted by: % at February 18, 2004 06:45 PMyes, that's very cute. i can imagine the ANTI-CHRIST doing something like this while smiling for the camera, but not the REAL Jesus. the real Jesus is more of an Anarchist kinda guy.
Posted by: SoulRiser at March 12, 2004 01:43 PM