Philip Morris, your mega-corporate 'not-just-a-tobacco-company', has announced its development of a new cigarette, which the company claims emits
90% less secondhand smoke than other regular cigarettes.
Oh, yes, it's finally, FINALLY here!
This new "low-smoke" product, called Accord, is to be market tested on a limited number of smokers in the US and in Japan, so if you're serious about smoking smokeless cigs, then you'd better get in line.
But wait, 'cause it gets better. Accord-brand cigarettes must be used with a special battery-activated
lighter which lights the cigarette each time a drag is inhaled and captures only the smoke and ashes from the cigarette.
Gee, the boys at Philip Morris certainly are trying to make the world safer from their products, aren't they?
That's right. Philip Morris claims that the only smoke emitted is from the smoker’s exhalations. So really, the smoker is still smoking smoke, but there isn't any more smoke than what the smoker smokes. And, guess what else? The special lighter is approximately the size of a pager, and is likely be sold for about $50. This special lighter does not set the tobacco on fire, like your Bic does. Rather, it heats up the cig inside the lighter, while you hold this thing up to your mouth and take a puff, so say bye-bye to monkey sex. But it's money well spent, because your trusty mega-conglomo buddies at Philip Morris have invested 5 years and an estimated $200 million dollars on development.
Oh, good. That makes me feel tons and tons better.
And it should, because you probably lead a busy lifestyle, and taking those smoke breaks are absolutely essential to your sanity. But there's also another thing to be aware of. This announcement of the new Accord cigarette and other similar cigarette products points to the radical so-called 'reform' occurring in cigarette manufacturing and suggests the need for more aggressive regulatory authority in order to effectively oversee the tobacco industry. And what does that mean? It means that Philip Morris wants to make smokers like you feel more 'rest assured' that these new and exciting tobacco products are safer for your health than regualr ones. But really, they have only reduced the danger of smoking tobacco to the smoker, and 'lessened' the threat of second-hand smoke to others. The whole point is to manufacture a cigarette that has lower nitrosamines (night-tross-a-means), which is the main cancerous chemical compound in cigarettes. Its chemical formula is: RN2NNO, which breaks down to:
Radon- the heaviest noble gas. You know, the gas which creeps out of your basement? It's got a half life of about 1600 years.
Nitrogen- When mixed with oxygen and subjected to electric sparks, it forms nitric oxide (NO) and then the dioxide (NO2).
Oxygen- Oxygen is very reactive and oxides of most elements are known. It is essential for respiration of all plants and animals (unless they're smoking) and for most types of combustion.
Compainies Brown & Williamson and RJR are currently developing cigarettes like Accord, which use this special lower-nitrosamine tobacco. The tobacco is cured with a special process that inhibits the formation of nitrosamines. This is in no way supposed to promote safer or more glamorous smoking, since smoking one of these gems looks a little ridiculous because you must insert the cigarette into the electric lighter in order to smoke it. Picture a gorgeous model doing this. Or a tracheostomy patient for that matter.
So, if you want to participate in this new and wondrous marvel of modern technological advance in nicotine, you'll have to fork over fifty bucks and forego a weekend's (or a night's bar-hoppping) to purchase the special lighter, which 'eats' the ashes away. You also might not look your sexiest whilst smoking these, either, but hey- at least you can feel better about smoking near your children!
Kindest regards, smokers!
Progenitor