Turkey's days are numbered.
In light of recent terrorist attacks in Turkey, President George W. Bush has announced that turkey will not be pardoned this Thanksgiving. Breaking from tradition, the President has declared turkey a new front in the fight against terrorism and high cholesterol. When asked by a reporter if the president was confusing Turkey, the country, with turkey, the bird, the president vehemently reiterated that they are linked just like Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.
"This whole turkey pardoning business started back with Lincoln and a plea from his child. I never listen to my children's pleas for help or any other person's, especially in matters this important. I think Lincoln made a gravy mistake. Remember, this was the man who brought our country to the brink of destruction with war. Plus I was never very comfortable with the whole pardoning bit anyway," the President told reporters.
According to anonymous sources, this year's presidential turkey, named Freedom, didn't put up much of a legal fight during the double super secret military tribunal. After a few seconds deliberation, Freedom was declared "gobble gobble ... gobble gobble gobble." Currently, Freedom along with Justice, Liberty, and Constitution are in transit down to Guantanamo Bay to join the rest of the fowl combatants. Red Cross officials recently criticized the administration for detaining so many turkeys without justifiable cause. In response, Defense Secretary Rumsfield replied, "We will put them out of their misery soon. I'm personally having one over for dinner on Thanksgiving."
disclaimer: this is satire; please don't sue us.
Liberate these fowl quickly!
Posted by: at December 13, 2003 02:58 PM